WOW! What a couple of weeks it’s been! The launch of BLACKBIRD ROAD was super successful with all three books in the JAKE CALDWELL series being snapped up by keen readers. We now wait patiently for the reviews…
We’d like to thank Xpresso Tours again for their help and organisation and, of course, all the amazing bloggers who assisted in spreading the word. THANK YOU!
But, today, we’re having some fun with Jake and Bear, the stars of the Jake Caldwell books. They’re crude, they’re raw, they’re blunt. AND WE LOVE ‘EM!
UNEDITED TRANSCRIPT OF PODCAST #741 OF THE AMANDA ALLISON SHOW TAPED SEPTEMBER 2018.
AMANDA: Jake and Bear, welcome to the studio. Please have a seat and we can get started. I know you two are busy.
JAKE: Thanks. It’s kinda tight in here. Can you move over, Bear?
BEAR: I’m almost out the door as it is.
JAKE: Just didn’t plan on rubbing elbows with you for this whole thing.
BEAR: You calling me fat again?
JAKE: Your wife called you fat. I just didn’t disagree.
BEAR: Well, excuse the shit outta me for breathing.
AMANDA: Ummm…is everything okay?
JAKE: Yeah, why?
AMANDA: You two just seem to be a little tense with each other.
BEAR (laughs): That’s how we always talk. So, this is like a radio interview?
AMANDA: Not exactly. It’s for my podcast.
BEAR: What the hell is a podcast?
JAKE: Jesus, you dumb hick. It’s like a recording she does that gets posted on the Internet and she has people that listen to it. I told you to listen to her show.
BEAR: You have a lot of listeners?
AMANDA: About twenty thousand subscribers. I just want to ask you a few questions for a podcast I’m doing on inside law enforcement. You guys will be one short segment. Just be as honest as you can and we’ll have you out of here in no time. Any questions before we get started?
BEAR: Nope, fire away.
AMANDA: Okay. Good afternoon everyone and welcome to the Amanda Allison show, the Midwest’s number one podcast covering cultural, political and entertainment news in America’s heart land. I’m sitting here with James Parley, the Sheriff of Benton County in central Missouri and Jake Caldwell, a private investigator out of Kansas City. James, who is affectionately known as Bear, and Jake seem to find themselves teamed up quite a bit recently to thwart some high profile crimes in our neck of the woods and we thought we’d learn a little bit more about them. Gentlemen, welcome to the studio.
JAKE: Thanks for having us.
AMANDA: So, Jake, tell me how you two met.
JAKE: Ummm…well, Bear and I have known each other since junior high. We met on the first day of football practice and literally crashed into each other. I knocked him on his butt and we eventually became friends.
BEAR: Knocked me on my butt? I seem to recall laying such a hit on you that you forgot your name and dropped the ball, you lying son of a bitch. Oh shit. Can I say that?
AMANDA: We can edit it out later.
BEAR: We went at it on the football field for sure, but yeah, we became friends pretty quick after that. We always had each other’s back all the way through high school. We didn’t see each other for about sixteen years after school ended, but once Jake returned to the area we hooked up like no time at all had passed.
AMANDA: Why the sixteen year gap?
JAKE: I had some personal issues I was trying to get away from in Warsaw once I got out of high school. Just took me a while to get back home.
AMANDA: Care to elaborate on those issues?
JAKE: Not really. That’s why I said they were personal.
AMANDA: Bear, you became the Sheriff of Benton County, your home turf growing up, and Jake is a private investigator covering the same area. How often do your cases intersect? It seems like you two cross paths quite a bit.
JAKE: Not as much as you seem to think, but the cases tend to be pretty big when they do cross.
AMANDA: Shane Langston for example. I understand why Bear was involved, but why was a private investigator tracking down one of the biggest drug dealers in Benton County?
JAKE: Well, I wasn’t a private investigator then. I worked for a…ummm…private firm and was asked by my boss to find Shane.
AMANDA: So, Kansas City mafia boss Jason Keats is considered a private firm? And all he asked you to do as his leg-breaker was to just find one of his biggest rivals, Shane Langston? Sounds a little implausible to me.
JAKE: What in the hell…
BEAR: Lady, I was told this was going to be a friendly interview about law enforcement.
AMANDA: I’m just trying to get some background.
JAKE: Sounds like you’ve got background already. You’re also dipping your toes into a pool you don’t want to go swimming in.
AMANDA: I’ve heard you have some ties to the mob. Is that something I should be worried about from you?
JAKE: No, I’m as gentle as a kitty cat, but if you’ve got more than two firing brain cells, I’d get off this mob train of thought.
AMANDA: But you two did team up to take Langston down, correct?
BEAR: Yeah, if we didn’t team up, Shane wouldn’t be currently cooling his heels in the Jefferson City prison and would still be selling poison in my county. I couldn’t have taken him down without Jake’s help.
AMANDA: I heard you were shot in the line of duty. What was that like?
JAKE: Which time?
AMANDA: There’s been more than one?
BEAR: Twice, both thanks to this asshole.
JAKE: Bear, language.
BEAR: Shit. Sorry. Once with Langston and the other time in…well, let’s just say it was in another place.
JAKE: A strip club.
BEAR: Goddamn it, Jake.
JAKE: Well, it was.
AMANDA: You’re referring to the shootout at the Dreams Gentlemen’s Club in downtown Kansas City last year? Why were you there?
BEAR: We were chasing after a suspect who had something we were after.
AMANDA: My sources say it was a silver briefcase and the guy was a Russian foreign agent.
BEAR: We can’t comment on it. It’s an ongoing investigation.
AMANDA: So, it’s true.
BEAR: I didn’t say that. I said we can’t comment on it.
AMANDA: My sources also say that investigation concluded with a massive fire fight in the old Kansas City Stockyards and that the FBI was involved. Can you tell me how a private investigator and a county sheriff ended up teaming up with the FBI to take down a terrorist plot?
JAKE: That’s it, I’m done with this bullshit hatchet job. Bear, let me the hell out of here.
BEAR: I hope you’re happy. You just chased half the partnership out of the room and I’m about two seconds from joining him.
AMANDA: Just a couple more questions. Bear, do you think all of this drama will help you or hurt you in your re-election campaign against Dick Blackwell?
BEAR: What the hell does that have to do with anything?
AMANDA: Dick Blackwell seems like an honorable guy trying to clean up some sticky messes you’ve left in your county. Questionable tactics, questionable spending──
BEAR: What are you, his goddamn publicist? Look, I’ve dedicated the last several years to making Benton County a safer place to live. It’s a beautiful piece of our country and its citizens deserve safety from the shadier elements of society.
AMANDA: Spoken like a true politician.
BEAR: I hate politicians. What’s your point?
AMANDA: My point is you seem to be involved in a lot of things outside of Benton County. Tell me, were you using tax payer dollars to fund your little jaunts to Kansas City?
BEAR: You’ve got some balls, lady. If you think…
JAKE: Stop the interview.
AMANDA: Welcome back, Jake. Is that your lawyer on that cell phone telling me to cut off the interview?
JAKE: No, it’s a good friend of mine who I just called who can quickly find interesting information about people in a hurry. Bear and I have done nothing but save lives, but you treat it like dirty laundry and now I know why. You air this bullshit, and we’ll air a little dirty laundry of our own.
AMANDA: Is that a threat?
JAKE: It’s a fact. For instance, the IRS might be very interested to know you’ve been funneling funds to some off-shore accounts to avoid taxes and then funneling them back into the US through holding companies to buy real estate. Including real estate owned by Dick Blackwell. My guess is he’s cutting you some kind of deal to do a smear piece on Bear to bolster his chances of getting elected.
AMANDA: You’re crazy. No way could you have found that out that quickly, even if it was true…which it isn’t.
JAKE: Unlike Bear, I listened to your podcasts so I knew what kind of snake you were coming in and I started doing my homework long before we set foot in your little studio. But, I just got the results from the final exam. So, we done here or should I make a call to my buddy at the IRS?
AMANDA: I suppose we could be done.
JAKE: And you’ll burn this tape?
AMANDA: You have nothing to worry about assuming no calls are made to anyone.
JAKE: I think we have a deal.
AMANDA: Have a nice day, gentlemen. You can show yourselves out.
JAKE: I told you we shouldn’t talk to that snake.
BEAR: Well, how the hell was I supposed to know?
JAKE: If you would’ve listened to me.
BEAR: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that she’s gone, how the hell did you get that info? Cat?
JAKE: Let’s just say a little birdie told me and leave it at that. Buy you breakfast?
BEAR: If it includes a double order of bacon, you’re on.